The Sex Line: Deny vs. Justify
Deny / Justify is the SEXUAL dimension of a woman’s character type.
To me, this is the most important dimension, and it is the one that I pay
attention to the most in my interactions.
I will often build out my entire strategy based on this one dimension
alone, and if you really nail it, with master execution, the other two will
not matter nearly as much.
The reason is because our most predominant role in a woman’s life is
sexual. Sex is the reason why we all exist, and it is very primal and basic.
So pay attention.
Let’s talk first about the conflict a little bit. Most, and if I had to put a
number on it, probably 95% of women have experienced SOME level of
sexual trauma – or negative feelings and emotions associated with sex and
a lack of control about sex.
This is something that is a challenge to understand as men.
The analogy I like to use is being surrounded by a bunch of men, who are
all bigger and stronger than you, more aggressive than you, and also want
to have sex with you.
Imagine being in high security prison for rapists, where the average guy in
there is seven feet tall and three hundred and fifty pounds.
Ok – now, that is sometimes a DAILY experience for women, and as such
they have developed very sophisticated mental frameworks to keep
themselves in check.
In addition women HAVE had very scary encounters with men, and I don’t
want to get too in depth about this but basically they will get intimidating
looks from guys, unwanted advances, guys (sometimes close friends and
family members) trying to touch her, take their dick out and of course,
unfortunately this goes all the way up to full out rape and sexual assault.
Women will often recall at least one, but often more, traumatic events in
relation to men and sex.
But on the other hand – just like us, sex feels VERY GOOD for women – and
they want it… so this creates a VERY strong conflict for her, and one she
She does make the conflict easier to deal with by either DENYING, or
Let’s start with Deniers.
A Denier will essentially BLOCK out and remove those negative
experiences from her memory. She will literally believe they didn’t exist.
That is why many cases of molestation, sexual harassment and rape go
unreported. Her mental mechanism prevents her from confronting the
This allows her to still view sex as an incredibly powerful, positive and
pleasurable event. In my experience, and in the experience of many of my
trainers, Deniers are much more immersed in sex, and go a lot deeper into
the feelings than Justifiers do.
And for that reason – it can be a more satisfying relationship in many
ways. Having sex with a Denier is more special and unique because they
have had far fewer sexual partners.
Quite often Deniers have a strong religious background as well. The
religious training tends to compartmentalize the different areas of her life,
and she will have much stronger mental filters to keep things separate.
This allows Deniers to have a tendency to sometimes live double lives, and
do so very effectively.
I once dated a girl who was a Denier, and I was with her for a full five
years before finding out that she was once raped by a guy many years
before. She never included this incident when she talked about her sexual
past and did not count it when she told me how many guys she was with.
Now of course I never held this against her, and in fact I was very
understanding… But what’s interesting is this: It wasn’t until I started this
research and had a very deep understanding of the female mind that she
brought it up... And it was something she sensed in me – it wasn’t that the
project prompted me to ask her about it.
And that is something that you can expect to happen in your life as
well… as you get deeper into this system, you will find women becoming
more and more open and honest with you. They will sense that you “are
one of them” and things that she would NEVER tell other guys will be
put on the table.
And no, it’s not all stuff you don’t want to hear – there are some AMAZING
benefits to being in this “secret society”. Women will be much more open
to letting you have multiple relationships, casual / no strings attached
relationships, and they will feel much more comfortable showing you the
full spectrum of their sexuality.
That’s beside the point. Let’s get back to Deniers. There are definitely
some downsides to Deniers. First of all, and this applies to ALL women
but women, but women will sometimes be more likely to lie to you the
more they like you.
Why? They lie because they can and they will be more concerned with
maintaining a certain perception if they like you. There’s more to lose if
you don’t approve of their image.
And – if they cheat (which is actually less likely to happen than with
a Justifier) they will be FAR less likely to let you find out. Usually it
will just be a onetime thing, and they will suppress the memory as if it
That is something that women are MUCH better than men at. They are
very aware of how they are being perceived at all times – especially
Extreme Deniers will sometimes even pretend to be “grossed out” by sex
or by other girls who have more partners than them.
They will call other girls sluts, be very judgmental and critical of women
who have had sex with just 10 or more partners. The average Denier will
usually sleep with 15 or less men in her entire life. That may seem like a
lot, because of what I just said, but you have to realize that most of those
accumulate as she gets older.
Women have a tendency to become more and more like Justifiers as they
get older. Their issues with sex get worked out and resolved slowly as
time goes on, and they become more open to casual encounters. We call
this the “Cougar effect”. You know what I’m talking about…
Just because a woman is a Denier, it does NOT mean it will take a long
time to sleep with her. When we get into the advanced strategies, I will
show you why it is actually good to sleep with a Denier quickly, and I’ll
give you some specific techniques for doing exactly that.
Another reason why these types of women are called Deniers is they do
exactly that – they Deny. And specifically they Deny your sexual advances.
But they do it in a very specific way. The will use a “not yet” approach, but
stick around. You can over escalate and they will continue to keep seeing
you. That’s a very big difference between Deniers and Justifiers.
To a Denier, having sex can sometimes feel like they are losing something.
Because they sometimes associate sex with pain and emotional loss, if you
haven’t laid the proper groundwork, they will withhold sex to maintain
their power in the relationship.
• Deniers will have far fewer sexual partners than Justifiers
• Deniers tend to have hidden secrets – only a real practitioner will learn
• Less likely to cheat, but also less likely to tell you if she does
• Deniers are much shyer about sex and talking about sex
• Just because she is a Denier, it doesn’t mean she’s harder to sleep with.
You just need a different strategy
• Deniers are often judgmental and critical of girls who sleep around
A Justifier has the same negative sexual experiences that a Denier has –
but she uses a different mental strategy altogether… She will JUSTIFY the
experience by lowering the significance of sex in her mind.
By lowering the significance of sex, it makes the negative experience less
painful. This allows her to retain full access the memory, because it has a
much lower intensity.
The mental dialogue will be something like “oh sex doesn’t mean that
much” or “sex isn’t such a big deal” – and this dialogue aligns her full belief
set to become congruent with that.
Now as a consequence, sex actually begins to mean less to these women.
She will give it up much easier, be more likely to do things like have
sex in public, have threesomes with other men or women, and go into
professions like being an escort or stripper. (Btw not all strippers are
Justifiers – just a vast majority.)
And as such – having sex with a Justifier carries much less weight than it
would with a Denier.
Justifiers, unlike Deniers are very sexually open and will sometimes have
hundreds of sexual partners over their lifetime.
One big surprise to me is the sheer number of women that I met during
the project that have been with over 100 men. Openly, and shamelessly.
And these weren’t just cougars in their forties either – many of them were
in their early twenties who were able to accumulate those numbers in
college, often sleeping with a new guy every other weekend.
Just because a Justifier has a lot of experience and may be considered
loose sexually, it does not mean that she cannot be an amazing girlfriend.
In fact, if you can become her “prince charming” Justifiers can become
incredibly loyal and safe from cheating. This is something I’ll talk about
in depth when we get into the advanced strategies. Here’s a hint though –
you will NOT become her prince charming if you are too focused on sex.
That’s a huge difference. Because she has reduced the significance of sex
in her mind – if you seem to desperate for sex, or make sex seem like a
big deal, or make too many advances, or in general seem like too horny of
a guy, she will lose respect immediately, and it’s usually something that’s
nearly impossible to recover from.
And when they go with your advances, Justifiers will sometimes go so far
as to think that hooking up was their idea! This makes them VERY open
to sexual reframing, sexual prizing and falsely accusing them of being
perverts and wanting you too much. Again this will be covered in depth in
the advanced strategies later on.
And if you’re dating a Justifier – you have to be extremely vigilant.
Justifiers love to test your limits (don’t confuse this with the testing
dimension, I’m talking about testing YOU) but a Justifier will test you over
and over to see how much of a man you are. You need to be VERY aware
of these tests so that you can nip them in the bud by punishing them
And it’s for that reason, that testers are a big challenge to many guys – but
if you pass her initial tests, having sex with her is INCREDIBLY easy and
takes barely any effort at all. If you get alone with her it’s RARE there will
be any resistance whatsoever.
One final thought – do not make the mistake of thinking that a Denier is a
good girl and a Justifier is a bad girl. It has nothing to do with morals or
her overall intentions being altruistic or mean spirited. It is simply her
individual defense mechanism to dealing with a very real and powerful
emotional conflict. The key is not to judge it, but instead to understand it,
and know how to use it in your favor.
If you have ever watched the reality styled series “Girls Gone Wild” you’ll
notice that during the critical time period when the guy is encouraging
the girl to take a big step in revealing something like to take off her top, or
escalate on another girl, or take off her panties, or pose, you’ll notice that
he uses “Justifier” type language patterns that replicate the exact thought
process that a Justifier would use in her own mind. Powerful stuff!
• Justifiers usually end up having many sexual partners over their lifetime,
often over a hundred
• Justifiers tend to act on their sexual urges, and then Justify the reasons
why they did it later
• Sex is not a big deal to Justifiers
• You need to punish a Justifier for disrespect IMMEDIATELY, or you’re in
the friend zone
• If a Justifier is resistant to sexual escalation YOU MUST chill out and
appear indifferent. If they sense you want sex too much, you’re finished.